Posts with the label humor
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Monday, October 21, 2013
5 Travel Games for Seniors
Last weekend, on a quick trip to Cape San Blas Florida
I suddenly realized my husband and I are getting old
This stark realization happened while riding around the state
I turned to Steve and said,
"We're riding around like OLD people!"
Later that evening this post came to me
somewhat witty, somewhat humurous
kinda scary but absolutely true!
When physical activity gets limited by
sheer "I've-earned-this-tude" and/or achy bones,
you gotta try
5 Travel Games for Seniors
Bird Spotting
Bird spotting as opposed to bird watching
We saw this awesome group of rare white pelicans
too far off the road for my iphone camera
but interesting to see none-the-less
we also spotted a bald eagle
Name your Distance
Akin to "Name that Tune" but different
Not sure if bladders shrink and colons expand
when getting older but I do know
these sign become very important
There is a definite sport in naming whether you
can make it to the next one or
"We need to STOP NOW!"
Unexpected Photo Bombing
You can see some interesting things on a state highway
things you need a picture for, like, say....a blog.
We actually stopped for these and just
look how they turned out.
We couldn't manage this again if we tried
I also challenge you to make the passenger
mirror on your car look like mine!
Me and garage doors play games sometimes
and they always win...
What's your pressure?
NOT EVEN KIDDING...
We stayed with my in-laws and
noticing a blood pressure monitor on the table
I challenged them to a "What's your pressure?" game
Seniors are touchy about their pressures
The rules: Take BP no more than two times
Choose the lower of the two for your number
Take BP pills, add 10 points to your top number
Don't take BP pills, subtract 10 points
No, don't really add or subtract
but this could be a really interesting game
Vary it with your temperature, your blood sugar, reading an eye chart
you get the picture...
Are you Braver than a 5th Grader?
Every time I pulled into a property
(we were looking at lots for sale)
that had a "No Trespassing" sign on it
I thought Steve would have a heart attack
and...it's possible!
I kept saying "I'm not trespassing, I'm looking!"
There is a difference.
We had a great short trip to the Cape
Try 5 Travel Games for Seniors
on your next outing and let me know the results!
Hope your trips are as adventurous
and fun as ours always are.
Lovin' these games,
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
Do you have any fun games to add to this list? Leave them in the comments!
Friday, October 11, 2013
My Random Thoughts on Happiness
Happiness is....
Listening to classical music
...especially when my daughter plays
My Dad sitting high and comfy on a tractor like
Oliver Wendell Douglas...
The beautiful view from my front porch...
Hermie, my long-haired Dachshund with a buzz cut...
anticipating my first grandchild in november 2013...
lots and lots of things make me happy
for a sadly, incomplete list
of my random thoughts on happiness...
check out my "happiness is" page!
Happily,
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
Thursday, September 12, 2013
6 Hugs Short Girls Appreciate
short person alert
yeah, that's me
2nd from the left
my height causes my dislike of hugs
why?
tall men with big hairy bellies
I hate my face being buried in this
no, my drool is not from your exquisiteness
and let's not mention large breasts
laying on the top of my head
now you appreciate my dilemma?
here's
6 Hugs Short Girls Appreciate
1. The CYBERHUG where arm length or height isn't a problem
2. The SIDEWAYS hug with a clean, nice-smelling armpit
(that's me and my hubby)
3. The HANDSHAKE hug I can just kinda lean into.
Handshakes keeps me off of breasts & bellies.
4. The EUROPEAN KISS/HUG: fast in and out x 2
only one cheek kiss if I'm lucky
5. The SON-IN-LAW hug...
it better be quick!
6. The COME TO MOMMA hug
I have no idea who this chest belongs to
but put that surf board down and
get on over here
I said "Come to Momma",
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
What type of hugs do you prefer? Leave me a comment and let's compare notes.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Saturday Southern Slang - "tongue shui"
My household makes up a lot of words,
then, we USE them...
Some days are better than others
some days i should keep my mouth shut
tape it up
I say stupid stuff not even trying
Today's Saturday Southern Slang
is
"tongue shui"
like feng shui but for the mouth
Definition: saying the right things in harmony with the environment & others
Used in a sentence: I'm sorry, did that hurt your feelings? I guess my tongue shui is off today!
or
I could tell you how to get rid of those bumps on your face but my tongue shui says I shouldn't.
Be careful little mouth what you say
my mom always says "if you can't say something good, don't say anything."
have you got a tongue that's loose at both ends?
practice some tongue shui
think about your words and place them carefully in the room
people and the environment will love you for it
There's a reason for thinkin' before you go speakin'
Tongue what?
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
Monday, August 19, 2013
Pande-"monday"-ium of Laughter
Have you ever had a kidney stone?
Ok, yeah, so I don't have to explain too much!
One of these pics familiar to you?
Personally, I can't sit down when I have a stone! Irrationally, I think that gravity will help yank the gravel out of my body but usually doesn't because...
You're trying to get this...
 |
| OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! |
...through that
ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE!
Let's not talk about stents, peeing after lithotripsy or the nagging feeling of a stone, OK?
I have a funny story (well, now, it's funny) about the next to last time I had a kidney stone (February 2012). Steve had taken me to the doctor's office in excruciating pain. I've had 25+ stones but this one was THE MOTHER! I paced, I sit down, I stood up, Steve rubbed my back, Steve squeezed pain pressure points to try to get me some relief. NOT WORKING! We waited in that doctor's office for (no exaggeration) 4 hours to see the doctor.
Right before the doctor walked in, I had this haunting feeling (and even said it to Steve) that they didn't keep medical supplies in the office. I said "I bet they don't keep shots in here and I'll have to go to the ER!" Shore 'nuff, doc sent me to the ER with a caring look on his face. Didn't help my pain none.
Get to the ER downstairs and of course, a new registration clerk couldn't work a computer. I usually don't snap but I SNAPPED this time. *&%$(*#&^ About the time all those ugly word vomits were spewing out of my mouth,
MY PAIN STOPPED!
Just like that... I turned to Steve and said "My pain's gone." He said "Still wanna check in?" I said "I'm getting the morphine, no-matter-what!"
Right about here you may be calling me a junkie but if you've ever had a kidney stone, you can appreciate that
I DESERVED the morphine!
Plus, you kinda have a pain hangover after the pain stops without any drugs. You just want to feel better so I took the shot!
Here's the funny part. . .
The nurse came in to get me into a hospital gown. She said "The doctor wants you admitted. He may do surgery tonight." At this point, no argument from me. (CT Scan confirmed still had the stone.) Steve's standing in the corner of the room while the nurse is helping me undress,
Before any Introductions.
There I am, naked from the waist up and she turns to Steve and says "Are you her husband?" and Steve replies "No ma'am. I'm her pastor."
It might have been the funniest joke ever if I hadn't been in the ER! The look on the nurses face is unforgettable. She stumbled and stammered until he told her the truth and he was kind enough to wipe the sweat from her brow since he had caused it. lol The rest of the afternoon "the pastor" was the talk of the ER with nurses, orderlies and doctors coming around to meet and greet the pastor and his wife.
Still funny,
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
Sunday, June 16, 2013
The Father's Day Gift that Got Away
My Dad, Clyde Parker was born on June 8, 1937. He's earned the right to be a bit picky at the age of 76! But....he remains a simple man, preferring a 1950's Farmall 100 with a shabby paint job to the newer technology of a shiny green John Deere. He says "Tammy, they just don't build'em like they used to!" I've watched him work months to rebuild a tractor. Not once did I doubt the tractor would
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
5 Ways Not to Shop for a Beach Home in Florida
Sloane and I made a fast road trip to Panama City Beach yesterday. Fast equals leaving at 9:00 am Tuesday morning and getting home at 5:00 am Wednesday morning. Yep, round trip in 20 hours! We have a new name - "Flor-idiots"! Because we truly ARE after this mad trip. Here's what we learned about real estate shopping in PCB.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
What happens when my Subconscious and Sleep align!
Sweet Dreams! This phrase should be on my pillowcase and I should recite it convincingly at least 25 times before I close my eyes to sleep!
Why?
Because it's scary what happens when my subconscious and sleep align. I'll tell you my latest episode ...
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Advice that still makes me Laugh!
When I saw this photo on facebook this morning, it make me laugh! The advice my daughter's grandfather (Pop) gave them years ago still makes me chuckle. My father-in-law was Claude Leonard Stafford. He thought he was born in 1919 but later in life found out it was 1920. He lived to be 87 years old. Pop was quite handsome with a head full of beautiful grayish-white hair and some of the biggest ears I've ever seen. He also said "Your ears don't stop growing you know!" He was a quiet, kind
Monday, April 29, 2013
Why Road Trips are Better with your Husband
Steve and I braved the long and winding road to Duke University Medical Center last Thursday. We were excited to see his pulmonary specialist for a follow-up visit. Our trips are fun especially this one and here's how our comic journey turned out...
I ALWAYS drive! Steve got behind the wheel leaving our home. I was surprised and honestly relieved since I was battling a 5 mm kidney stone. He was so proud of himself for giving me a break
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Why "Daylight Savings Time" is Better than Getting a Tooth Pulled
Ughhhh! "Daylight Savings Time" again? Seems like we just fell down, well... fell back in November and here we go again, springing forward. I don't like monkeying around with the time. Do you? Why can't we pick one way and leave it? I hear what you're saying, "If you don't like it move to Arizona or Hawaii." Don't
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
An Open Letter to Girl Scout Cookies
I admire how secretly you show up once a year to tantalize my taste buds. I have a few secrets of my own. I
Friday, February 15, 2013
Why "Identity Thief" is Cheaper than Therapy
WARNING: This review is not yet rated and may not be approved for all audiences. This material contains light-hearted jokes (I'm not making fun...
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Mammaries at the Grammys
The dress code for the 2013 Grammys was addressed in an email to attendees by CBS. The email stated "Be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered." "Thong type costumes are problematic." "Avoid sheer see-through clothing." -- CNN The request was obviously ignored
Sunday, February 3, 2013
The Super Bowl is all about the SOCKS!
The Queen B ain't got nuthin' on this style maven! Like I say "A girl's gotta use what she got!" Look at Beyonce' rockin' with her socks on at Super Bowl 2013.
I'm feelin' a bit like a trend setter! I realize my thighs can't move like hers. I wish they could. My legs aren't as long and lush. I wish they were. My heels are 1/4 inch and hers are 4/1 inch. Yes, I'd break my arches to wear heels if I could! Don't bother me none though. I've been rockin' my black socks with shorts for years now. I'm just glad she finally catched up!
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| photo credit |
I'm feelin' a bit like a trend setter! I realize my thighs can't move like hers. I wish they could. My legs aren't as long and lush. I wish they were. My heels are 1/4 inch and hers are 4/1 inch. Yes, I'd break my arches to wear heels if I could! Don't bother me none though. I've been rockin' my black socks with shorts for years now. I'm just glad she finally catched up!
I'm thinking a slather of self-tanner, a black body slimmer and low-heeled black boots could land me on the half-time show of Super Bowl 2014! What do you think ladies? Would you be my back up doing those hip thrusts? I'm gonna make sure my insurance is up-to-date and send in our resumes for next year!
If they want me, they better give me a ring on it,
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
Friday, February 1, 2013
The Puxatony Pill
Well, tomorrow is Groundhog Day! Supposedly, Puxatony Phil will predict the weather yet again. The tradition of Groundhog Day dates back to 1887. The story goes if Phil sees his shadow we will have six more weeks of winter but if he doesn't, Spring is on it's way. Text the word "groundhog" to 247365 to get his prediction via a text message. Rodents and technology partnering to bring us news we can use!
The question is do you swallow the Puxatony pill? Do you believe a groundhog can predict the coming of spring or the continuation of winter? Do you plant your garden by Phil's forecast? Historians report Phil seen his shadow more times than he didn't, 97-15. I can't remember exactly what the weather did after his predictions. Can you?
The largest crowd ever is expected for the countdown on this 2013 Groundhog Day's Eve. Dick Clark would be proud! People will gather at Gobbler's Knob in Pennsylvania awaiting the impending decisiveness of the illustrious Phil. A large plexiglass illuminated cutout of him will stand erected for visitors to ohhh and ahhh over starting at one minute before midnight. Join the Inner Circle. You get some nifty groundhog stuff for a membership fee of $15. If those cool top hats are one of the perks, I'm in!
How about you? Do you swallow the Phil pill or not? Leave me a comment and let me know if you depend on Phil for your winter/spring forecast. You may think it's a bunch of baloney, well that's not so or the groundhog would be a pig...
Phoney or the real Phil,
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
Friday, January 18, 2013
Snow Day in a Small Town
I live in a small southern town. The population of Murray County, GA as of 2011-- 39,557. We rarely see snow. You can imagine the whole town's excitement when the weatherman says "SNOW"! We start hoping for schools to close and flood the grocery stores for milk and bread. This pic from yesterday when the National Weather Service in Peachtree City Atlanta issued a Winter Storm Warning for our area. This may not look like a crowd to you but when we find ourselves two buggy
Saturday, December 15, 2012
I said I'd Never Do It!
I've found it's true what they say "You change as you get older"! Until a couple of years ago, I had never had a dog live in my house. Our family had a couple of outside dogs which we loved. But I had always said "No dogs in the house!" Steve coaxed a dog my Mom had been given into our home one day. Immediately, he became our dog. You've heard me talk about Hermy before, our stolen long-haired Dachshund. It didn't take me long to fall in love with this adorable pet that lets me hold him whenever I want, sleeps right next to me and takes almost every step I do.
Last Christmas
Last Christmas
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Your Dog's Wearing What?
Our family did Thanksgiving today. How did your family celebrate? We haven't missed a 4th Thursday gathering in the last 28 years so this was new for us! It was necessary to reschedule due to different work schedules. I gladly made the unusual arrangements though because I'm just glad some body's working! lol
My Mom cooked a big spread. I made desserts. The food was delicious and as usual my Dad wouldn't
My Mom cooked a big spread. I made desserts. The food was delicious and as usual my Dad wouldn't
Friday, November 9, 2012
Why should you read this? Top 10 Reasons...
I browse a lot of websites during the day and I get tired of them, do you? Sometimes I'd like to find a website where I can enjoy myself. I'd like to find a place where I'm not exhausted or feel like a failure when I leave. I believe my blog is the place. I've designed the stories to give you
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