Friday, November 28, 2014

10 Ways You Can tell You Are A Senior Citizen

I received my AARP sign-up kit in the mail last year when I turned 50. I guess that officially makes me in the senior pool agewise. I don't mind being more mature at all, do you? Here are 10 funny ways you can tell you are a senior citizen without trying to remember the year you were born:

1. The neighbors can hear what TV show you're watching three houses down. If your volume is 40+, it may be time to look into a hearing aid.

2. You start your automatic coffee maker to come on 10 minutes AFTER you plan to get up because it will take you at least 10 minutes to get out of bed and find your way to the kitchen.

3. You have a pair of magnifying glasses in every room of the house and one pair on your person and you still can't find your glasses.

4. You need to do laundry more often due to annoying sneeze peeing and the fact you can't seem to eat anything without spilling it down the front of your shirt.

5. You stop to look at that odd person you saw in the mirror and for the first minute or so you don't recognize yourself.


6. Your clothes begin to resemble your parents. If you're a girl, you need sunglasses to keep from squinting choosing an outfit from your closet. You know how mom loves the shiny stuff. If you're a guy, you need a belt to hold up the jeans your booty used to support and an extra long shirt to hide your belly.

7. You begin to floss more because now you realize these teeth need to last you a lifetime.

8. You finally don't need to shave your legs every day. YES! My mom always told me leg hair would stop growing when I got old. She was right!

9. There's a down side to less leg hair....more facial hair. This wouldn't be a problem if I were a dude. I now hear my children say to me what I used to say to my mom "MOM, I've got to pluck those black hair out of your chin!"

10. You have to re-read numbers 1 - 9 because you really didn't understand them the first time you read it. The old gray mare and stallion just ain't what they used to be.

Here's a bonus one:

11. Black Friday makes you think of Jesus instead of shopping because you're closer to meeting him.

old people
Blessed 365 to be 55,
The Happy Handicap

p.s. I hope no senior citizens are offended reading this blog. I feel your joint pain, go to rooms in my house then wonder why I'm there and genuinely cherish folks who are wiser than me!

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Why Thanksgiving?

I saw this on a church sign somewhere last week. So true! If you need help this Thanksgiving or any I saw this on a church sign somewhere last week. So true! If you need help this Thanksgiving or any day, seek God. Ask him to help you. He will!

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Colossians 3:15 We have so much to be thankful for. May every day be Thanksgiving in our hearts! 

Thanking God for his blessings,
The Happy Handicap

, seek God. Ask him to help you. He will!

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

5 Promises You Can Count On

broken promises
Think about the last time someone promised you something. Did they keep their promise? Did they break their promise? How did their promise make you feel? Are you tired of promises not being kept by your family, friends, boss, co-worker or even yourself? Does this egg depict your image of promises? Broken!

You can count on the promises of God...every time! I've listed five of my favorites of the MANY promises of His Word. It may help to memorize these for reassurance when others neglect to carry out their promises.
  1. God will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 
  2. God will give you rest from a heavy heart. Matthew 11:28
  3. God will save you and your household. Acts 16:31
  4. God will make your enemies your footstool. Matthew 22:42
  5. God will give you what you pray for, if you believe. Matthew 21:22

A promise is a serious vow of your character. Broken promises make you untrustworthy. If you think about it, just being asked to "promise" may be a sign you've let someone down already. Be careful making promises to people. A fulfilled promise may not always be remembered but a broken promise will never be forgotten!

Keeping my promises,
The Happy Handicap

Leave me a comment and let me know what your favorite promise of all time is!

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

One times Zero Equals Zero

baby with bible verse
Our Sunday School teacher asked us to find and read John 3:16 in class this week. I know most of us could recite it by heart. I could. I marveled at just how many people in the world could recite that verse. I was disheartened when I had no clue about the next verse the teacher wanted read. My mind wandered from one place to another. I found myself in third grade standing up while reciting...
2 x 1 = 2
2 x 2 = 4
2 x 3 = 6

...and so on. I required my daughters to stand up and recite their multiplication tables at home. The best way to learn them is through memorization. I know this is not a requirement in classrooms currently. I think it should be though. Why? Because it helps kids and adults throughout their lives with everyday tasks. I also memorized a poem that starts 30 days hath September. I still use this poem to remind myself how many days are in each month. I can also recite all 50 states by singing Fifty Nifty United States! Memorization is useful.

I imagined my teacher being God and instead of the multiplication tables, he asked me to recite as much of his Word as I could including where they are found in his Book. Wow! I think I said five correctly...maybe. I tried not to open my mouth or think something like "Can you give me something easy please?" Psalm 119:11 says "Thy word have I hidden in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee." I know a lot of God's Word but not precisely, can't recite it or tell you where it's at in the book. Would it help me throughout my lifetime if I memorized it? Absolutely! My third grade teacher wasn't satisfied with "close" or "I just missed one or two". We had to say our multiplication tables without fail, all 12 of them.

I doubt God is satisfied with my lack of importance I devote to hiding his Word in my heart. Is he pleased with yours? If we start today and learn one verse per month or week, 1 x 1 = 1, 1 x 2 = 2, 1 x 3 =3. If we don't start today, one times zero equals zero.

Hiding his Word,
The Happy Handicap

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

The Best Election Results 2014

election results the sweet sound of silence! The campaigns are ended. The phone calls and commercials are over. Georgia is an election state this year for some big races; Senate, House and Gubernatorial. We received so many campaign calls my eyes got tired of reading the caller id to not answer the phone.  I voted. The counts are not final as I'm writing this but I've got high hopes for good results.

People scare me, especially when making decisions. Humans can make some really bad choices. Remember Adam and Eve? What about John 18:39-40, the Trial of Jesus? The Bible says, (this is Pilate speaking to the people) "But ye have a custom, that I should release unto you one at the passover: will ye therefore that I release unto you the King of the Jews?" Then cried they all again, saying, "Not this man, but Barabbas." The next words in the scripture are key to the choices we make, which says "Now Barabbas was a robber."  The people chose a robber over a man who did nothing wrong! Our sin nature in full bloom.

Let's turn our attention from the election of The House and Senate to the election of our house or soul. 2 Peter 1:10-11 says "Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your peace calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fail: For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."  We are candidates in our own election. Jesus makes house calls and the campaign contributions are enormous!  Free trip to heaven without taxation, free pardon and parole for every mistake you've made and you can eat from his table whenever you want. When you are the candidate and receive your "peace calling", you'll surely want to answer the call. You won't need caller id. Jesus will identify himself when he calls. For the best results possible, elect Jesus as your Savior. Please hurry, time is running out. Make your choice before the polls close.

Yes to Jesus,
The Happy Handicap

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