Sunday, August 28, 2011

Ahhh! A Night and Day in Savannah

our trip to savannah to check my air conditioning started at 4:00 pm when steve got home from work on a tuesday afternoon.  we went by college and picked up sloane because the trip held more than just a check of my a/c but i've signed a contract and obligated myself not to tell.  after we picked up sloane, the adventure began straight through downtown atlanta.  i was driving so fast until i hit that downtown traffic stop that my a/c was working perfectly.  remember, it works when i'm going fast but not when i'm going slow.  steve kept telling me to watch this car and watch that car until i had to crank the a/c on frigid because i was so nervous and perspiring.  sloane said "don't worry dad, she won't hit them, they are not parked".  sloane is so smart because she is right.  my car has this uncanny tendency to gravitate toward parked cars and smash right into them.

we rode right on down south and at some unknown point decided to stop and eat at cracker barrel.  we all like to eat at cracker barrel because they always have a chair waiting for you on their porch and a BIG checkerboard with BIG checkers.  i reckon they like handicap people because they save me a parking spot right at the door and then greet me sometimes by opening the door.  what makes cracker barrel special to me is they don't discriminate against short people with handicaps!  have you ever noticed they keep them adult-size rockers and the handicap-size rockers both on the porch right next to one another?

once inside, i was headed to the hostess station to put down our name.  there was a woman standing in front of me pickin at the candy display, pickin up every kind of candy on the shelf, examining it and puttin it back down.  the hostess looked up, caught my attention and i said, 3 please!  steve, being his usual kind self, proceeded to tell me that sloane and i had jumped right in front of that woman fiddlin with the candy and he openly told the woman to excuse us that we were rude.  i started to tell him and her that she didn't need to be fiddlin with the candy that if she would go on and get a table they would feed her real food but i didn't want to be rude twice.  the hostess seated the woman and then came back and asked me how many?  i simply replied "two rude and one nice"!

when we got seated, sloane noticed something white on her dad's shirt.  she said "dad, what's that on your shirt?" he looked at it and hurriedly brushed it off.  she said "what is it, dandruff?" and he said "NO! it's pieces of skin falling out of my nose".  we started laughing so hard because he was so embarrassed.  he said "shhhhh, don't tell everyone they will be staring at my nose".  we didn't care much and kept right on laughing because we were thinking it served him right for saying we were rude when we really weren't.  steve has a terrible case of eczema and it causes skin to fall off of him in several places.  sometimes i think i'm married to a reptile because of the skin he leaves laying around, long and round pieces that i'm not sure where they came from.

i saw the cutest plate in cracker barrel that said gobble till you wobble and i thought since i already wobble without the gobble that i would adapt this as my new fall saying.....gobble when you wobble!  i think i will add a real turkey gobble to it when i say it (at least as close to a turkey as i can sound).  i think it will be a funny addition to our fall activities!  with this cool weather coming on, the decision on my air conditioning is that i think it can wait until next summer to repair.  i'm startin to like riding with my windows down.  it accomplishes several things at one time, 1) gives me a new hairdo, 2) cools me down a bit and 3) the humidity hydrates my skin!  i've included a pic below.  steve says this is what i look like after we take a trip!

feeling fallish,
tammy, the happy handicap

Brad called!  He wants his sexy back!

Saturday, August 20, 2011

what a weekend!

last sunday, steve and i had the opportunity to entertain three guys from l.a., that's los angeles, california not lower alabamie!  they were here doing a music video for our future son-in-law, trey's band and trey asked me to cook breakfast for them.  now since these californians didn't know me and know that i am a happy handicap, i thought i might present myself in something that would make them think i'm just "normal" little me.  i told sydnee and sloane that i was gonna wear my long dress instead of my normal pair of shorts so they couldn't see my fine legs and maybe, just maybe they wouldn't notice i limp!  (i included a pic of me in my dress below)

well, the breakfast went great.  i made biscuits (from the freezer) but they thought they were homemade and since they didn't ask me directly, i didn't tell them no different.  i had never made that much gravy to feed 11 people so my girls and me said a prayer over it while i was puttin it together.  it was the best gravy i have ever made, no joke!   i had cream cheese danish with some fruit that sydnee fixed in a pretty plate all fancy-like and scrambled eggs.  one of the guys from l.a. said that everything is fresher in georgia.  he said the milk tastes fresher and he told me my eggs were the best he had ever eaten, no fibbing.  he asked me how i got them so fresh and i told him it was because i had just gone outside that morning and lifted the chicken off of them, brought them in and put them in the pan while they were still warm from the hen's feathers.  his eyes got really big and wide and wanted to go see the chickens.  at that point, i had to come clean and tell him, nah, i got them from the grocery store like everybody else and i couldn't figure why my eggs were any better than anyone else's!  i started to tell them my theory of my being short helps me cook better because i am so close to the stove and the pans, it's like having a birds eye view and I don't over stir!

the conversation at breakfast went smoothly and just about the time the guys were about to leave, steve turns to them and says "Guys, y'all don't know anyone in l.a. that works with silicone, do you?" and i thought, oh no!  yep, he continued right on to say, well, tammy's handicapped and she wears custom silicone prosthetics and i was wondering if you knew anybody in the movie business that works with silicone that might tell us how to make her some feet!  they didn't know anybody and i just acted like i didn't even notice he said anything.  i decided right then and there that if i was ever gonna try and mask my handicap again, i would definitely let steve in on the plot!  i love him because i know he always has my best interest at heart and was trying to help me get my feet cheaper where he could buy me more pairs of them. the la guys didn't blink an eye so i'm pretty sure they had already noticed i limp.

after our guests left, steve invited me out to our small garden to help him look for worms and pick them off the tomato plants.  i don't particularly like to do this exercise but steve loves it and he says it gives us some together time and increases our tomato harvest.  i think it just makes me hot and my feet hurt and he's much more interested in the worms than he is being with me.  i don't know about yours but our tomato plants have about quit bearing and i told steve just let the worms eat the plants and the tomatoes too if they want them!

next week i'll tell you about our trip to savannah to test out my air conditioning.  you won't want to miss that post!  talk to you then...

bye now,
Tammy, the happy handicap

Saturday, August 13, 2011

tests and trips

Steve and I took a trip to the supermarket this week.  See him above holding some ginger root?  He's not considering buying this, he's telling me that the root looks like my toes, you know I only have two toes per foot.  I must admit there is a striking resemblance.  Did you know that ginger root is $6.00 per pound?  I told Steve that if we ever got to needing money real bad, I could see about cutting off my toes and selling them to the supermarket.  I've had several doctors suggest amputation already so I'm sure they would be willing plus we could call them "organic" and get $8.00 per pound.  Steve said he wasn't sure that the ginger root would ooze red stuff like my toes but if need be he could come back and do a test to see.  I thanked him for his offer to help and told him since he was so nice, I'd surely take one for the team and take that $8.00 per pound to the bank!

My air conditioning is on the fritz in my car and the repair shop estimated $2400 to fix it.  Steve asked me if I thought I could make it through the summer without it and I said I didn't know.  He asked me when I would know and I told him I would probably know after a short trip.  So, I scheduled a trip to Savannah next week.  He wanted to know why a trip would help me make up my mind.  I told him my air works when the car is moving fast but quits when I am idling and I'm pretty sure that the traffic idles a lot on River Street in downtown Savannah.  He was excited I had come up with such a good test and agreed to go with me to judge it for himself.  We'll let you know how hot we were when we get back and if I'll be able to do without the a/c.

One evening this week, Steve blew a gasket and we drove all the way to Cleveland, TN to get one.  I'm not sure where that teeny tiny gasket goes and on what but I'm sure he'll figure it out.  He's smart that way!  The next day after that, he decided he needed some cooling off because he was sweating so much trying to install that gasket.  His shop is not air conditioned!  I spent most of my day searching for him an air conditioning unit on that internet.  This time, we drove all the way to Lowe's in Kennesaw, GA to pick up an a/c unit for him.  I guess he couldn't make it through the rest of the summer without it!

While we were at Lowe's we shopped for some toilets for the home.  Steve is convinced we need a couple of them energy efficient flushers that saves power and water.  He told the salesman we need a short toilet because I have short legs.  I do have short legs but it was kinda embarrassing when the salesman made me sit on one of those toilets to see just how short of one I needed to do my business comfortably.  I thought it was a little much too when he looked for a ruler and he had a 25 ft. measuring tape swinging from his belt.  I was wondering why Steve even mentioned it.  But I know he had my best interest at heart, not to mention the environment and Georgia Power.

I forgot to mention I wanted to buy some of that  ginger root at the supermarket because I've heard there are some pretty fabulous dishes that can be made with it.  Steve told me "Nah" that he'd take me to one of them fancy Chinese restaurants in Dalton with the red dragons out front.  I got so excited because I've heard they have a bridge and a fish pond you walk over when you go through the door.  Steve told me he'd take me between 11 and 2 because they serve small portions then.  I feel so privileged to have a concerned husband who is always looking out for my weight and well being.  He said the prices are cheaper then too!  I can't wait!  I love my husband and our children.  We are just one happy family!

Until next time,
Tammy, the Happy Handicap