Friday, November 28, 2014

10 Ways You Can tell You Are A Senior Citizen

I received my AARP sign-up kit in the mail last year when I turned 50. I guess that officially makes me in the senior pool agewise. I don't mind being more mature at all, do you? Here are 10 funny ways you can tell you are a senior citizen without trying to remember the year you were born:

1. The neighbors can hear what TV show you're watching three houses down. If your volume is 40+, it may be time to look into a hearing aid.

2. You start your automatic coffee maker to come on 10 minutes AFTER you plan to get up because it will take you at least 10 minutes to get out of bed and find your way to the kitchen.

3. You have a pair of magnifying glasses in every room of the house and one pair on your person and you still can't find your glasses.

4. You need to do laundry more often due to annoying sneeze peeing and the fact you can't seem to eat anything without spilling it down the front of your shirt.

5. You stop to look at that odd person you saw in the mirror and for the first minute or so you don't recognize yourself.


6. Your clothes begin to resemble your parents. If you're a girl, you need sunglasses to keep from squinting choosing an outfit from your closet. You know how mom loves the shiny stuff. If you're a guy, you need a belt to hold up the jeans your booty used to support and an extra long shirt to hide your belly.

7. You begin to floss more because now you realize these teeth need to last you a lifetime.

8. You finally don't need to shave your legs every day. YES! My mom always told me leg hair would stop growing when I got old. She was right!

9. There's a down side to less leg hair....more facial hair. This wouldn't be a problem if I were a dude. I now hear my children say to me what I used to say to my mom "MOM, I've got to pluck those black hair out of your chin!"

10. You have to re-read numbers 1 - 9 because you really didn't understand them the first time you read it. The old gray mare and stallion just ain't what they used to be.

Here's a bonus one:

11. Black Friday makes you think of Jesus instead of shopping because you're closer to meeting him.

old people
Blessed 365 to be 55,
The Happy Handicap

p.s. I hope no senior citizens are offended reading this blog. I feel your joint pain, go to rooms in my house then wonder why I'm there and genuinely cherish folks who are wiser than me!

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