Monday, August 19, 2013

Pande-"monday"-ium of Laughter

Have you ever had a kidney stone?

 Ok, yeah, so I don't have to explain too much!

kidney-stone-pain-on toilet
One of these pics familiar to you?
Personally, I can't sit down when I have a stone! Irrationally, I think that gravity will help yank the gravel out of my body but usually doesn't because...
You're trying to get this...


...through that
Let's not talk about stents, peeing after lithotripsy or the nagging feeling of a stone, OK?
I have a funny story (well, now, it's funny) about the next to last time I had a kidney stone (February 2012). Steve had taken me to the doctor's office in excruciating pain. I've had 25+ stones but this one was THE MOTHER! I paced, I sit down, I stood up, Steve rubbed my back, Steve squeezed pain pressure points to try to get me some relief. NOT WORKING! We waited in that doctor's office for (no exaggeration) 4 hours to see the doctor.
Right before the doctor walked in, I had this haunting feeling (and even said it to Steve) that they didn't keep medical supplies in the office. I said "I bet they don't keep shots in here and I'll have to go to the ER!" Shore 'nuff, doc sent me to the ER with a caring look on his face. Didn't help my pain none.
Get to the ER downstairs and of course, a new registration clerk couldn't work a computer. I usually don't snap but I SNAPPED this time. *&%$(*#&^  About the time all those ugly word vomits were spewing out of my mouth,
Just like that... I turned to Steve and said "My pain's gone." He said "Still wanna check in?" I said "I'm getting the morphine, no-matter-what!"
Right about here you may be calling me a junkie but if you've ever had a kidney stone, you can appreciate that
 I DESERVED the morphine!
Plus, you kinda have a pain hangover after the pain stops without any drugs. You just want to feel better so I took the shot!
Here's the funny part. . .
The nurse came in to get me into a hospital gown. She said "The doctor wants you admitted. He may do surgery tonight." At this point, no argument from me. (CT Scan confirmed still had the stone.) Steve's standing in the corner of the room while the nurse is helping me undress,
Before any Introductions.

There I am, naked from the waist up and she turns to Steve and says "Are you her husband?" and Steve replies "No ma'am. I'm her pastor."

It might have been the funniest joke ever if I hadn't been in the ER! The look on the nurses face is unforgettable. She stumbled and stammered until he told her the truth and he was kind enough to wipe the sweat from her brow since he had caused it. lol The rest of the afternoon "the pastor" was the talk of the ER with nurses, orderlies and doctors coming around to meet and greet the pastor and his wife.
Still funny,
The Happy Handicap


  1. That is hilarious! I can picture the look on her face. I'm sure it didn't seem all that funny at the time though.

    1. I'm just glad my husband still had a sense of humor at this point! It was such a long exhausting day. Colorful memories though. :)

  2. I feel your pain...#108 was parathyroid..get it more stones

    1. WHOA! 108? Thanks for the advice and so glad you got yours stopped! They are PAINFUL!!!