Posts with the label humor
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Thursday, September 12, 2013
6 Hugs Short Girls Appreciate
short person alert
yeah, that's me
2nd from the left
my height causes my dislike of hugs
why?
tall men with big hairy bellies
I hate my face being buried in this
no, my drool is not from your exquisiteness
and let's not mention large breasts
laying on the top of my head
now you appreciate my dilemma?
here's
6 Hugs Short Girls Appreciate
1. The CYBERHUG where arm length or height isn't a problem
2. The SIDEWAYS hug with a clean, nice-smelling armpit
(that's me and my hubby)
3. The HANDSHAKE hug I can just kinda lean into.
Handshakes keeps me off of breasts & bellies.
4. The EUROPEAN KISS/HUG: fast in and out x 2
only one cheek kiss if I'm lucky
5. The SON-IN-LAW hug...
it better be quick!
6. The COME TO MOMMA hug
I have no idea who this chest belongs to
but put that surf board down and
get on over here
I said "Come to Momma",
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
What type of hugs do you prefer? Leave me a comment and let's compare notes.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Saturday Southern Slang - "tongue shui"
My household makes up a lot of words,
then, we USE them...
Some days are better than others
some days i should keep my mouth shut
tape it up
I say stupid stuff not even trying
Today's Saturday Southern Slang
is
"tongue shui"
like feng shui but for the mouth
Definition: saying the right things in harmony with the environment & others
Used in a sentence: I'm sorry, did that hurt your feelings? I guess my tongue shui is off today!
or
I could tell you how to get rid of those bumps on your face but my tongue shui says I shouldn't.
Be careful little mouth what you say
my mom always says "if you can't say something good, don't say anything."
have you got a tongue that's loose at both ends?
practice some tongue shui
think about your words and place them carefully in the room
people and the environment will love you for it
There's a reason for thinkin' before you go speakin'
Tongue what?
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
Monday, August 19, 2013
Pande-"monday"-ium of Laughter
Have you ever had a kidney stone?
Ok, yeah, so I don't have to explain too much!
One of these pics familiar to you?
Personally, I can't sit down when I have a stone! Irrationally, I think that gravity will help yank the gravel out of my body but usually doesn't because...
You're trying to get this...
 |
| OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! |
...through that
ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE!
Let's not talk about stents, peeing after lithotripsy or the nagging feeling of a stone, OK?
I have a funny story (well, now, it's funny) about the next to last time I had a kidney stone (February 2012). Steve had taken me to the doctor's office in excruciating pain. I've had 25+ stones but this one was THE MOTHER! I paced, I sit down, I stood up, Steve rubbed my back, Steve squeezed pain pressure points to try to get me some relief. NOT WORKING! We waited in that doctor's office for (no exaggeration) 4 hours to see the doctor.
Right before the doctor walked in, I had this haunting feeling (and even said it to Steve) that they didn't keep medical supplies in the office. I said "I bet they don't keep shots in here and I'll have to go to the ER!" Shore 'nuff, doc sent me to the ER with a caring look on his face. Didn't help my pain none.
Get to the ER downstairs and of course, a new registration clerk couldn't work a computer. I usually don't snap but I SNAPPED this time. *&%$(*#&^ About the time all those ugly word vomits were spewing out of my mouth,
MY PAIN STOPPED!
Just like that... I turned to Steve and said "My pain's gone." He said "Still wanna check in?" I said "I'm getting the morphine, no-matter-what!"
Right about here you may be calling me a junkie but if you've ever had a kidney stone, you can appreciate that
I DESERVED the morphine!
Plus, you kinda have a pain hangover after the pain stops without any drugs. You just want to feel better so I took the shot!
Here's the funny part. . .
The nurse came in to get me into a hospital gown. She said "The doctor wants you admitted. He may do surgery tonight." At this point, no argument from me. (CT Scan confirmed still had the stone.) Steve's standing in the corner of the room while the nurse is helping me undress,
Before any Introductions.
There I am, naked from the waist up and she turns to Steve and says "Are you her husband?" and Steve replies "No ma'am. I'm her pastor."
It might have been the funniest joke ever if I hadn't been in the ER! The look on the nurses face is unforgettable. She stumbled and stammered until he told her the truth and he was kind enough to wipe the sweat from her brow since he had caused it. lol The rest of the afternoon "the pastor" was the talk of the ER with nurses, orderlies and doctors coming around to meet and greet the pastor and his wife.
Still funny,
Tammy
The Happy Handicap
Sunday, June 16, 2013
The Father's Day Gift that Got Away
My Dad, Clyde Parker was born on June 8, 1937. He's earned the right to be a bit picky at the age of 76! But....he remains a simple man, preferring a 1950's Farmall 100 with a shabby paint job to the newer technology of a shiny green John Deere. He says "Tammy, they just don't build'em like they used to!" I've watched him work months to rebuild a tractor. Not once did I doubt the tractor would
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
5 Ways Not to Shop for a Beach Home in Florida
Sloane and I made a fast road trip to Panama City Beach yesterday. Fast equals leaving at 9:00 am Tuesday morning and getting home at 5:00 am Wednesday morning. Yep, round trip in 20 hours! We have a new name - "Flor-idiots"! Because we truly ARE after this mad trip. Here's what we learned about real estate shopping in PCB.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
What happens when my Subconscious and Sleep align!
Sweet Dreams! This phrase should be on my pillowcase and I should recite it convincingly at least 25 times before I close my eyes to sleep!
Why?
Because it's scary what happens when my subconscious and sleep align. I'll tell you my latest episode ...
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Advice that still makes me Laugh!
When I saw this photo on facebook this morning, it make me laugh! The advice my daughter's grandfather (Pop) gave them years ago still makes me chuckle. My father-in-law was Claude Leonard Stafford. He thought he was born in 1919 but later in life found out it was 1920. He lived to be 87 years old. Pop was quite handsome with a head full of beautiful grayish-white hair and some of the biggest ears I've ever seen. He also said "Your ears don't stop growing you know!" He was a quiet, kind
Monday, April 29, 2013
Why Road Trips are Better with your Husband
Steve and I braved the long and winding road to Duke University Medical Center last Thursday. We were excited to see his pulmonary specialist for a follow-up visit. Our trips are fun especially this one and here's how our comic journey turned out...
I ALWAYS drive! Steve got behind the wheel leaving our home. I was surprised and honestly relieved since I was battling a 5 mm kidney stone. He was so proud of himself for giving me a break
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Why "Daylight Savings Time" is Better than Getting a Tooth Pulled
Ughhhh! "Daylight Savings Time" again? Seems like we just fell down, well... fell back in November and here we go again, springing forward. I don't like monkeying around with the time. Do you? Why can't we pick one way and leave it? I hear what you're saying, "If you don't like it move to Arizona or Hawaii." Don't
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