Thursday, May 31, 2012

Blown Away

I'm feeling a bit like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz today...Blown Away!  I don't own a blue gingham dress, have long enough hair to make nice pigtails but I do have a dog named Hermie.  This year has felt like five months in Oz with the Bad Witch and flying monkeys creating a scary scene that I'd like to wake up from.  Yes, the winds have been a-howling but, thank God, our house is built on the Rock. And if it weren't for the precious characters in my life, I might want to click my heels and go somewhere different than home.

Steve, my brave lion, far from cowardly.  Put em up, Put em up!  Which one of yous first?  I'll fight you both again if you want.  I'll fight you with one paw tied behind my back.  I'll fight you standing on one foot.  I'll fight you with my eyes closed.  Yes, he's everything a woman could ask for in a man.  He's brave, a fighter, protector and covered in hair all over.  If you've seen Steve lately, you know that's an exaggeration!  I love him and he'll fight for me, witch or no witch, guards or no guard.  He's going in and I can't talk him out of it. 

Sydnee, my scarecrow, the happiest one in the crowd!  She's full of funny faces and humor even in the toughest situations.  No, Oz never did give nothing to the scarecrow that she didn't already have.  Brains running out her ears, she has to keep poking them back in and I think a few may have spilled out.  She's always fashionable with the latest hats and scarves.  She's teaches Math and I can't even pass college algebra.  "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining sides." - Scarecrow

Sloane, my tin man, a bit uptight and a little rusty around the edges with a heart of gold.  "And I was standing over there rusting for the longest time.  Now, I know I've got a heart 'cause it's breaking...".  Scary time of life for Sloane, about to graduate college and the future is uncertain but isn't the future always uncertain? Her heart will lead her and that ax that she carries will do the rest!  Keep your heart dripping with love and you might want to get some fashion advice from the scarecrow.  That hat looks like you bought it at Auto Zone.  Just sayin.....

 Uncle Henry and Auntie Em, my Dad and Mom.  This picture looks just like them.  My Mom always pointing and showing us how to do things and my Dad looking at her like he's heard it all before but I think I'll do it my way anyhow!  The support and love of Dorothy's precious family just like my Mom and Dad brought her back to Kansas which she called home.  I have never forgotten there's no place like home and there's nobody else like Mom and Dad. 


Trey, Sydnee's husband, is my Professor Marvel.  Trying to figure it all out.  He doesn't have a crystal ball or taro cards but he might try to use a poker deck.  He's an entertainer, thinks he's artsy and all.  I can tell Sydnee has been dressing him again!  In the end, although he's a philosopher wanna be, he doesn't have many of the answers but he is a great friend to all.  Everybody loves Trey, including me.  He's kind of a misfit but he likes it that way.  It keeps him mysterious and out there.  Just look at the picture of him.  It was turned a different way from all the others and I'm having to make up more and more writing about him to fill this space.  What the crap? 


Now that's what I'm talking about.....Ruby Red Slippers!  It would be nice if a Good Witch would give me a pair of ruby red slippers that I could make a wish and click my heels and presto, it's done!  But the facts are:  I couldn't wear the dang things if I had them.  The heels are too high and my prosthetics would make the sides bulge out!  I wouldn't even have enough toe action to click my heels together.   Big sigh.....
                                                     Over the rainbow and still I'm,
                                                                                                            The Happy Handicap

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Sloane has a "friend" coming over....

So....Sloane has a new "friend" coming over!  "Not a boyfriend" she says, although he is a boy, rather a man.  When my kids were young, I'd never let them invite friends over because I didn't feel like I had time to clean the house properly.  They didn't like it but those were my rules.  Before Sydnee was married, she would help me clean to have a "friend" over and Sloane helped me clean today.  I might need a rule against "friends" coming over now but it did help me get Sydnee out of the house so I'm thinking these visits will do the same for Sloane!

About these visits...I do want my house to be exceptionally clean but I can never get EVERYTHING just right.  I'm gonna give you a few examples of what I mean.  First of all, we concentrated on these rooms (dining room, kitchen, den, living room and half bath).  The rest of the house did not get touched.  I don't know if you ever "specific room" clean like this but you should try it. 

Here's the living room.  At first glance, one might think all is OK.  BUT NOT SO upon closer inspection.  See those windows in the pic below, I have hired a carpenter to take those out and replace them with smaller, high efficiency ones because the sunlight is fading my wood flooring.  He hasn't gotten to it yet and I gave my Mom my curtain rods from that window.  So, in a pinch, I hung the curtains with some string rope that I had (notice the droop)!  Sloane can explain it to her "friend" if he notices.  Who cares anyway, especially with that big Christmas piece still on the mantel and it's March!  I think it's so pretty and Christmas is every day to me that sometimes I leave it there all year long!


Secondly, I always worry about my baseboards not being clean enough.  I wonder how many people actually check baseboards when they go to visit people?  Anyway, I'm hoping that the spit shine I put on the foyer tile will blind him enough that he won't notice the baseboards.  See below!


One of my greatest fears when having visitors, especially "friends" of my daughters, is they might need to use the bathroom.  I know this is a natural occurrence and I don't want them to "hold it" but my fear is a natural one too.  I am scared to death he will lift the toilet lift and a curly hair will stare him right in the face!  This wasn't Sloane's fear though, she just wanted me to get the dust off of my topiary roses.  See picture below.
We have steam cleaned the kitchen, dusted all the rooms and I'm going to sweep the porch now.  I wish that I would learn that my daughter's "friends" are not coming over to grade me on my cleaning skills.  I secretly already know that whatever shine I might manage to put on my house isn't the reason they come - because the beauty of either of my daughter's would outshine my clean house any day.  The thing I enjoy most about a "friend" coming over is getting help with the work!

Friday, February 24, 2012

my crooked view of cleaning!

It's cleaning day! I write that as I am blowing all the air out of my lungs from desperation and exhaustion!  I have been cleaning the entire day.  I don't call myself a housewife because I'm not married to this house!  This house hasn't courted me, proposed to me or kissed me, so, I'm not really a housewife rather a housekeeper or maybe even a house slave!  I enjoy a clean house but I despise getting it to that state.  I've made myself a few rules to live by and wanted to share them with you.



1.  Don't sweep or vacuum everyday.  I take pride in my work and like to see results!  I get bigger and grander results if I only sweep or vacuum once a week.

2.  Don't dust everyday.  I have environmental allergies and it is my healthy theory that keeping a house too clean prevents my immune system from building antibodies.

3.  Only use dishwasher safe cookware.  I've come to the conclusion if it's not safe to put in the dishwasher, it must not be safe to cook in!

4.  Don't mop everyday.  I know hard surfaces are resilient but I'm not taking any chances on wearing mine out prematurely.  Besides, if you can't see the dirt, it's probably not dirty, right?

5.  Don't do laundry on rainy days.  If you do, you can't hang it out on the clothesline to dry which increases the electricity bill.  This rule has worked out pretty well for me in 2012, it's been extremely wet and my laundry days have been scarce.

6.  Don't clean the shower everyday.  Keeping a tight budget this year and looking for ways to make money, I came across a research project that pays 15 cents a pound for mold and mildew (that's more than tin cans).  It takes several days for it to grow so even though I'm allergic, me, mold and mildew are the 3 amigos!

7.  Don't clean the refrigerator everyday.  I'm hoping my experiments will get me a guest appearance on The Big Bang Theory.  Sheldon is my hero!

8.  Recycle only on Thursdays.  I go around 2 pm every Thursday and there's no one else there!  It's easier for me to pick up items out of the "Free Stuff" pile without being seen.

9.  Don't ever move your husband's belongings anytime.  Ladies, this needs no explanation!

10.  Don't ever clean the upstairs.  Since me and Steve are practically empty-nesters, nobody goes up there anyway.

Now.....I have to clean more than it seems because I don't want Steve to think I'm just sitting at home all day doing nothing....that, would make me a house sitter!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

It's Steve's Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my best friend and husband, Steve!  He's 55 today! We've been married (26.5 years)almost half as long as he's been alive.  I wonder if he's calculated that up or looked at that in such a way?  On the other hand, I've been married to him longer than half my life at 48.  It's a happy day, let's talk about something else. lol

Steve and I have shared many good times together, bad times together and everything in between.  With the help of God, we have two beautiful daughters, Sydnee and Sloane and a beautiful home.  I bet your mind went to the house we live in made of white vinyl siding and brick.  But, I'm talking about the home you see in the picture below.



This home is a shared bond of love that keeps us warm when the cold winds blow, makes us feel safe to sleep at night, welcomes us with outstretched arms, is always waiting for our return and keeps a light on in the window of our hearts for each other to find our way.  Yep, I definitely love my husband and as one commenter said on Facebook, this picture represents "Total Happiness". 

I'm not a sentimental person or a hopeless romantic, must've slipped off there for a moment.  I made Steve some pretzel Rolo bites for his birthday to share with his co-workers.  I also put on my makeup today, on a Tuesday, so he wouldn't have to strain his aging eyes to see my beauty!

Truly yours,
Tammy
The Happy Handicap

p.s.  If you haven't watched the video at the top lefthand of the screen, please do!

Saturday, December 31, 2011

I've got a hitch in my get-along!

The oddest things make me happy.  It seems I'm not the only one limping these days.  I look at people my age and older and realize that my handicap is growing faint because my AGE is making the side effects of my handicap second nature for everyone around me.  Steve says all the time he can't get his hips started when he gets up and limps for about 10 steps before finally straightening out.  My Mom has a bad hip and it takes her, what seems like forever to get moving, but once she's up, she's still a race horse.  My Dad is so funny.  It takes him FOREVER to get out of a vehicle!  I can almost have my groceries in the cart before he makes it through the sliding doors.  I thought I would never see the day, but it has arrived.  This Happy Handicap has more dexterity than a lot of folks around me!  Sloane had gallbladder surgery over the holiday break and she even had to ask me to slow down in Ingles the other day.  That's another sad topic that grocery stores actually excite me these days!

I am looking forward to 2012!  Are you?  I have set myself some goals, not resolutions!  I want to lose another 10 pounds.  I lost 12 in 2011 and want to add to that victory.  I also want to speak and share my testimony at least two times a month.  You can help me with this goal.  If your church would entertain the idea of me sharing my story at some point, please email me at tammy.stafford@hotmail.com  and I will be overjoyed to contact them.  My third goal is to finish one of the books I have started.  You can help me with this goal too.  Please leave me a comment on facebook and let me know which title you would be most interested in reading:  How to lose your life for Jesus or How to land your man the old fashioned way!  My fourth goal is to re-enter the college world and seek a degree in Christian Counseling.  Wish me luck!  My 5th goal and final written goal is to recruit travelers for my group tour to Venice, Florence and Rome, Italy.  For more information please contact me or click here

My final thought for 2011.  I am currently reading Bill Clinton's new book "Back to Work" and Steve Jobs' biography concurrently.  I'm figuring when I get finished with both, sometime in early January 2012, I should be able to solve our current economic crisis on an Apple "i" device!  Happy New Year!

Gettin' along pretty well,
Tammy
The Happy Handicap