Sunday, August 28, 2011
Ahhh! A Night and Day in Savannah
our trip to savannah to check my air conditioning started at 4:00 pm when steve got home from work on a tuesday afternoon. we went by college and picked up sloane because the trip held more than just a check of my a/c but i've signed a contract and obligated myself not to tell. after we picked up sloane, the adventure began straight through downtown atlanta. i was driving so fast until i hit that downtown traffic stop that my a/c was working perfectly. remember, it works when i'm going fast but not when i'm going slow. steve kept telling me to watch this car and watch that car until i had to crank the a/c on frigid because i was so nervous and perspiring. sloane said "don't worry dad, she won't hit them, they are not parked". sloane is so smart because she is right. my car has this uncanny tendency to gravitate toward parked cars and smash right into them.
we rode right on down south and at some unknown point decided to stop and eat at cracker barrel. we all like to eat at cracker barrel because they always have a chair waiting for you on their porch and a BIG checkerboard with BIG checkers. i reckon they like handicap people because they save me a parking spot right at the door and then greet me sometimes by opening the door. what makes cracker barrel special to me is they don't discriminate against short people with handicaps! have you ever noticed they keep them adult-size rockers and the handicap-size rockers both on the porch right next to one another?
once inside, i was headed to the hostess station to put down our name. there was a woman standing in front of me pickin at the candy display, pickin up every kind of candy on the shelf, examining it and puttin it back down. the hostess looked up, caught my attention and i said, 3 please! steve, being his usual kind self, proceeded to tell me that sloane and i had jumped right in front of that woman fiddlin with the candy and he openly told the woman to excuse us that we were rude. i started to tell him and her that she didn't need to be fiddlin with the candy that if she would go on and get a table they would feed her real food but i didn't want to be rude twice. the hostess seated the woman and then came back and asked me how many? i simply replied "two rude and one nice"!
when we got seated, sloane noticed something white on her dad's shirt. she said "dad, what's that on your shirt?" he looked at it and hurriedly brushed it off. she said "what is it, dandruff?" and he said "NO! it's pieces of skin falling out of my nose". we started laughing so hard because he was so embarrassed. he said "shhhhh, don't tell everyone they will be staring at my nose". we didn't care much and kept right on laughing because we were thinking it served him right for saying we were rude when we really weren't. steve has a terrible case of eczema and it causes skin to fall off of him in several places. sometimes i think i'm married to a reptile because of the skin he leaves laying around, long and round pieces that i'm not sure where they came from.
i saw the cutest plate in cracker barrel that said gobble till you wobble and i thought since i already wobble without the gobble that i would adapt this as my new fall saying.....gobble when you wobble! i think i will add a real turkey gobble to it when i say it (at least as close to a turkey as i can sound). i think it will be a funny addition to our fall activities! with this cool weather coming on, the decision on my air conditioning is that i think it can wait until next summer to repair. i'm startin to like riding with my windows down. it accomplishes several things at one time, 1) gives me a new hairdo, 2) cools me down a bit and 3) the humidity hydrates my skin! i've included a pic below. steve says this is what i look like after we take a trip!
feeling fallish,
tammy, the happy handicap
we rode right on down south and at some unknown point decided to stop and eat at cracker barrel. we all like to eat at cracker barrel because they always have a chair waiting for you on their porch and a BIG checkerboard with BIG checkers. i reckon they like handicap people because they save me a parking spot right at the door and then greet me sometimes by opening the door. what makes cracker barrel special to me is they don't discriminate against short people with handicaps! have you ever noticed they keep them adult-size rockers and the handicap-size rockers both on the porch right next to one another?
once inside, i was headed to the hostess station to put down our name. there was a woman standing in front of me pickin at the candy display, pickin up every kind of candy on the shelf, examining it and puttin it back down. the hostess looked up, caught my attention and i said, 3 please! steve, being his usual kind self, proceeded to tell me that sloane and i had jumped right in front of that woman fiddlin with the candy and he openly told the woman to excuse us that we were rude. i started to tell him and her that she didn't need to be fiddlin with the candy that if she would go on and get a table they would feed her real food but i didn't want to be rude twice. the hostess seated the woman and then came back and asked me how many? i simply replied "two rude and one nice"!
when we got seated, sloane noticed something white on her dad's shirt. she said "dad, what's that on your shirt?" he looked at it and hurriedly brushed it off. she said "what is it, dandruff?" and he said "NO! it's pieces of skin falling out of my nose". we started laughing so hard because he was so embarrassed. he said "shhhhh, don't tell everyone they will be staring at my nose". we didn't care much and kept right on laughing because we were thinking it served him right for saying we were rude when we really weren't. steve has a terrible case of eczema and it causes skin to fall off of him in several places. sometimes i think i'm married to a reptile because of the skin he leaves laying around, long and round pieces that i'm not sure where they came from.
i saw the cutest plate in cracker barrel that said gobble till you wobble and i thought since i already wobble without the gobble that i would adapt this as my new fall saying.....gobble when you wobble! i think i will add a real turkey gobble to it when i say it (at least as close to a turkey as i can sound). i think it will be a funny addition to our fall activities! with this cool weather coming on, the decision on my air conditioning is that i think it can wait until next summer to repair. i'm startin to like riding with my windows down. it accomplishes several things at one time, 1) gives me a new hairdo, 2) cools me down a bit and 3) the humidity hydrates my skin! i've included a pic below. steve says this is what i look like after we take a trip!
feeling fallish,
tammy, the happy handicap
Brad called! He wants his sexy back!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
what a weekend!
last sunday, steve and i had the opportunity to entertain three guys from l.a., that's los angeles, california not lower alabamie! they were here doing a music video for our future son-in-law, trey's band and trey asked me to cook breakfast for them. now since these californians didn't know me and know that i am a happy handicap, i thought i might present myself in something that would make them think i'm just "normal" little me. i told sydnee and sloane that i was gonna wear my long dress instead of my normal pair of shorts so they couldn't see my fine legs and maybe, just maybe they wouldn't notice i limp! (i included a pic of me in my dress below)
well, the breakfast went great. i made biscuits (from the freezer) but they thought they were homemade and since they didn't ask me directly, i didn't tell them no different. i had never made that much gravy to feed 11 people so my girls and me said a prayer over it while i was puttin it together. it was the best gravy i have ever made, no joke! i had cream cheese danish with some fruit that sydnee fixed in a pretty plate all fancy-like and scrambled eggs. one of the guys from l.a. said that everything is fresher in georgia. he said the milk tastes fresher and he told me my eggs were the best he had ever eaten, no fibbing. he asked me how i got them so fresh and i told him it was because i had just gone outside that morning and lifted the chicken off of them, brought them in and put them in the pan while they were still warm from the hen's feathers. his eyes got really big and wide and wanted to go see the chickens. at that point, i had to come clean and tell him, nah, i got them from the grocery store like everybody else and i couldn't figure why my eggs were any better than anyone else's! i started to tell them my theory of my being short helps me cook better because i am so close to the stove and the pans, it's like having a birds eye view and I don't over stir!
the conversation at breakfast went smoothly and just about the time the guys were about to leave, steve turns to them and says "Guys, y'all don't know anyone in l.a. that works with silicone, do you?" and i thought, oh no! yep, he continued right on to say, well, tammy's handicapped and she wears custom silicone prosthetics and i was wondering if you knew anybody in the movie business that works with silicone that might tell us how to make her some feet! they didn't know anybody and i just acted like i didn't even notice he said anything. i decided right then and there that if i was ever gonna try and mask my handicap again, i would definitely let steve in on the plot! i love him because i know he always has my best interest at heart and was trying to help me get my feet cheaper where he could buy me more pairs of them. the la guys didn't blink an eye so i'm pretty sure they had already noticed i limp.
after our guests left, steve invited me out to our small garden to help him look for worms and pick them off the tomato plants. i don't particularly like to do this exercise but steve loves it and he says it gives us some together time and increases our tomato harvest. i think it just makes me hot and my feet hurt and he's much more interested in the worms than he is being with me. i don't know about yours but our tomato plants have about quit bearing and i told steve just let the worms eat the plants and the tomatoes too if they want them!
next week i'll tell you about our trip to savannah to test out my air conditioning. you won't want to miss that post! talk to you then...
well, the breakfast went great. i made biscuits (from the freezer) but they thought they were homemade and since they didn't ask me directly, i didn't tell them no different. i had never made that much gravy to feed 11 people so my girls and me said a prayer over it while i was puttin it together. it was the best gravy i have ever made, no joke! i had cream cheese danish with some fruit that sydnee fixed in a pretty plate all fancy-like and scrambled eggs. one of the guys from l.a. said that everything is fresher in georgia. he said the milk tastes fresher and he told me my eggs were the best he had ever eaten, no fibbing. he asked me how i got them so fresh and i told him it was because i had just gone outside that morning and lifted the chicken off of them, brought them in and put them in the pan while they were still warm from the hen's feathers. his eyes got really big and wide and wanted to go see the chickens. at that point, i had to come clean and tell him, nah, i got them from the grocery store like everybody else and i couldn't figure why my eggs were any better than anyone else's! i started to tell them my theory of my being short helps me cook better because i am so close to the stove and the pans, it's like having a birds eye view and I don't over stir!
the conversation at breakfast went smoothly and just about the time the guys were about to leave, steve turns to them and says "Guys, y'all don't know anyone in l.a. that works with silicone, do you?" and i thought, oh no! yep, he continued right on to say, well, tammy's handicapped and she wears custom silicone prosthetics and i was wondering if you knew anybody in the movie business that works with silicone that might tell us how to make her some feet! they didn't know anybody and i just acted like i didn't even notice he said anything. i decided right then and there that if i was ever gonna try and mask my handicap again, i would definitely let steve in on the plot! i love him because i know he always has my best interest at heart and was trying to help me get my feet cheaper where he could buy me more pairs of them. the la guys didn't blink an eye so i'm pretty sure they had already noticed i limp.
after our guests left, steve invited me out to our small garden to help him look for worms and pick them off the tomato plants. i don't particularly like to do this exercise but steve loves it and he says it gives us some together time and increases our tomato harvest. i think it just makes me hot and my feet hurt and he's much more interested in the worms than he is being with me. i don't know about yours but our tomato plants have about quit bearing and i told steve just let the worms eat the plants and the tomatoes too if they want them!
next week i'll tell you about our trip to savannah to test out my air conditioning. you won't want to miss that post! talk to you then...
bye now,
Tammy, the happy handicap
Saturday, August 13, 2011
tests and trips
My air conditioning is on the fritz in my car and the repair shop estimated $2400 to fix it. Steve asked me if I thought I could make it through the summer without it and I said I didn't know. He asked me when I would know and I told him I would probably know after a short trip. So, I scheduled a trip to Savannah next week. He wanted to know why a trip would help me make up my mind. I told him my air works when the car is moving fast but quits when I am idling and I'm pretty sure that the traffic idles a lot on River Street in downtown Savannah. He was excited I had come up with such a good test and agreed to go with me to judge it for himself. We'll let you know how hot we were when we get back and if I'll be able to do without the a/c.
One evening this week, Steve blew a gasket and we drove all the way to Cleveland, TN to get one. I'm not sure where that teeny tiny gasket goes and on what but I'm sure he'll figure it out. He's smart that way! The next day after that, he decided he needed some cooling off because he was sweating so much trying to install that gasket. His shop is not air conditioned! I spent most of my day searching for him an air conditioning unit on that internet. This time, we drove all the way to Lowe's in Kennesaw, GA to pick up an a/c unit for him. I guess he couldn't make it through the rest of the summer without it!
While we were at Lowe's we shopped for some toilets for the home. Steve is convinced we need a couple of them energy efficient flushers that saves power and water. He told the salesman we need a short toilet because I have short legs. I do have short legs but it was kinda embarrassing when the salesman made me sit on one of those toilets to see just how short of one I needed to do my business comfortably. I thought it was a little much too when he looked for a ruler and he had a 25 ft. measuring tape swinging from his belt. I was wondering why Steve even mentioned it. But I know he had my best interest at heart, not to mention the environment and Georgia Power.
I forgot to mention I wanted to buy some of that ginger root at the supermarket because I've heard there are some pretty fabulous dishes that can be made with it. Steve told me "Nah" that he'd take me to one of them fancy Chinese restaurants in Dalton with the red dragons out front. I got so excited because I've heard they have a bridge and a fish pond you walk over when you go through the door. Steve told me he'd take me between 11 and 2 because they serve small portions then. I feel so privileged to have a concerned husband who is always looking out for my weight and well being. He said the prices are cheaper then too! I can't wait! I love my husband and our children. We are just one happy family!
Until next time,
Tammy, the Happy Handicap
Saturday, July 30, 2011
my husband is my best friend
this post is about my best friend and he is truly my best friend! if any of you know my husband steve, you will understand the love and humor that can only come from him. if you have a husband that is your best friend and you two are truly in love, you will appreciate this post!
one evening, long ago, before i became the wife i am today, steve, the kids and i were having dinner. we were discussing the topic of the day and i shook my little finger at him and made that popping noise with my mouth as to shame him for what he said. well, he told me that if I didn't keep my mouth shut, he would slide me up under something. i told him, no, he wouldn't and one thing led to another and the next thing i knew, steve had me out of my dinner chair, holding me by one arm and one leg and slide me right under the dining room table! it was one of the funniest moments of our marriage to-date! we laughed for 20 minutes non-stop. so, if you see us and i start running my mouth and he gives me that look, you and i know what his eyes are communicating to me......if you don't hush, i'll slide you under something!
steve has pet names for me. i'm sure your husband has pet names for you too! albeit, i bet your husband doesn't have the material mine does to work with! you know i just came out last year admitting that i am handicapped and only have two toes per foot. well, one of steve's favorite pet names for me is ostrich hooves, referring to my feet of course. he also refers to me lovingly as a gimp and threatens to give me the two-toed indian foot lick! he calls me "tam", short for tammy. he'll say, hobble on over here tam or can you pick up the channel changer "condor wings". he thinks i have extremely long arms too. i think he has some kind of weird foot fetish which suits me just fine. if you are curious about this, pick up a copy of my book, Labeled by Humanity, Loved by God here. there are pictures!
steve has many fine qualities that make him great at loving a disabled woman. he hung me up a handicapped sign in the garage so no one else would get my parking place at home. he insists that i cook dinner every night standing up so my feet and legs don't go numb from sitting. he keeps a constant check on what I eat, he says my feet don't need any extra pounds to carry around. he tells me when i need a haircut because he says i have enough trouble walking, don't need my hair falling down in my eyes blocking my view. steve is so nice to me, i wish i could do something for him. he's a leg man and i wish doctors had a leg job like i need but they don't and it's just my luck, i don't need a boob job! steve's second and third toes on both feet are grown together and i keep telling him that doctors could probably fix that, it looks gross!
i'm joking! i'm joking! nah, not really! steve and i have been married for almost 26 years and we love each other more now than we ever did. we are best friends! if you can't laugh with your spouse and make fun of each other, your marriage probably won't work. you know it's not nice to make fun of other people, you;ve got to keep it in the family!
one evening, long ago, before i became the wife i am today, steve, the kids and i were having dinner. we were discussing the topic of the day and i shook my little finger at him and made that popping noise with my mouth as to shame him for what he said. well, he told me that if I didn't keep my mouth shut, he would slide me up under something. i told him, no, he wouldn't and one thing led to another and the next thing i knew, steve had me out of my dinner chair, holding me by one arm and one leg and slide me right under the dining room table! it was one of the funniest moments of our marriage to-date! we laughed for 20 minutes non-stop. so, if you see us and i start running my mouth and he gives me that look, you and i know what his eyes are communicating to me......if you don't hush, i'll slide you under something!
steve has pet names for me. i'm sure your husband has pet names for you too! albeit, i bet your husband doesn't have the material mine does to work with! you know i just came out last year admitting that i am handicapped and only have two toes per foot. well, one of steve's favorite pet names for me is ostrich hooves, referring to my feet of course. he also refers to me lovingly as a gimp and threatens to give me the two-toed indian foot lick! he calls me "tam", short for tammy. he'll say, hobble on over here tam or can you pick up the channel changer "condor wings". he thinks i have extremely long arms too. i think he has some kind of weird foot fetish which suits me just fine. if you are curious about this, pick up a copy of my book, Labeled by Humanity, Loved by God here. there are pictures!
steve has many fine qualities that make him great at loving a disabled woman. he hung me up a handicapped sign in the garage so no one else would get my parking place at home. he insists that i cook dinner every night standing up so my feet and legs don't go numb from sitting. he keeps a constant check on what I eat, he says my feet don't need any extra pounds to carry around. he tells me when i need a haircut because he says i have enough trouble walking, don't need my hair falling down in my eyes blocking my view. steve is so nice to me, i wish i could do something for him. he's a leg man and i wish doctors had a leg job like i need but they don't and it's just my luck, i don't need a boob job! steve's second and third toes on both feet are grown together and i keep telling him that doctors could probably fix that, it looks gross!
i'm joking! i'm joking! nah, not really! steve and i have been married for almost 26 years and we love each other more now than we ever did. we are best friends! if you can't laugh with your spouse and make fun of each other, your marriage probably won't work. you know it's not nice to make fun of other people, you;ve got to keep it in the family!
i'm his b-ride and he's my vgroom, vgroom!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Three Amigos
Donna, Nancy and I went for a nice dinner at Cafe Intermezzo in Downtown Atlanta this past weekend. On a hot July day, the breeze was blowing exceptionally pleasant and we sat outdoors and enjoyed our time together. My daughter Sydnee went with us too!
Nancy compared us to Steel Magnolias. She was Shirley McClain, Donna was Dolly Parton, I was Sally Fields and Sydnee is Julia Roberts. So, the tips below derived from our conversation that evening! Enjoy!
1. Never ever-ever consistently look better than your friend. She will start avoiding you and will eventually quit being your friend!
2. Don't talk about your children the entire visit even if you think they are perfect. We love our unruly children and don't care to hear you droning on and on about precious little Susie and athletic little Bobby!
3. Don't tell us how good your husband is to you! We know you follow him around with a stick and if we saw him the tongue lashing would still be visible!
4. Please limit your good news stories to 10!
5. Don't tell us your employer loves you! Employers only love themselves!
6. Don't wanna hear about your custom designed home decor when we can't afford "Design on a Dime"!
7. Your Beamer don't need a nickname! We know how much it costs, how much the insurance costs and how expensive the monthly maintenance is!
8. Don't fork the lettuce from your petite salad and talk to me while waving it in my face. I already noticed you ordered a salad!
9. Don't sport your $1000 sandals and tell me you paid that much for them when I can't afford a root canal!
10. Don't whine about being overweight! Fire your yard man and attack that lawn like Richard Simmons doing "Sweatin to the Oldies" or you could walk your own dogs!
11. Don't run down your list of prescription meds, it makes me feel bad about my own!
In the end, Nancy, Donna and I are truly friends, we love each other! If you can find humor in these tips without getting mad, stomping your feet, puffing up and pouting, I know your friends love you too!
Nancy compared us to Steel Magnolias. She was Shirley McClain, Donna was Dolly Parton, I was Sally Fields and Sydnee is Julia Roberts. So, the tips below derived from our conversation that evening! Enjoy!
1. Never ever-ever consistently look better than your friend. She will start avoiding you and will eventually quit being your friend!
2. Don't talk about your children the entire visit even if you think they are perfect. We love our unruly children and don't care to hear you droning on and on about precious little Susie and athletic little Bobby!
3. Don't tell us how good your husband is to you! We know you follow him around with a stick and if we saw him the tongue lashing would still be visible!
4. Please limit your good news stories to 10!
5. Don't tell us your employer loves you! Employers only love themselves!
6. Don't wanna hear about your custom designed home decor when we can't afford "Design on a Dime"!
7. Your Beamer don't need a nickname! We know how much it costs, how much the insurance costs and how expensive the monthly maintenance is!
8. Don't fork the lettuce from your petite salad and talk to me while waving it in my face. I already noticed you ordered a salad!
9. Don't sport your $1000 sandals and tell me you paid that much for them when I can't afford a root canal!
10. Don't whine about being overweight! Fire your yard man and attack that lawn like Richard Simmons doing "Sweatin to the Oldies" or you could walk your own dogs!
11. Don't run down your list of prescription meds, it makes me feel bad about my own!
In the end, Nancy, Donna and I are truly friends, we love each other! If you can find humor in these tips without getting mad, stomping your feet, puffing up and pouting, I know your friends love you too!
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