Friday, July 15, 2011
to friend or not to friend?
Great Friday morning everyone! I've had this question rolling around in my head for a week! It reminds me of Shakespeare's "to be or not to be?" that is the question. So let's talk about it! It is a soliloquy because when Hamlet speaks it he is alone onstage. I feel alone sometimes even when I'm with something or someone that I call a friend!
Here are some examples:
Here are some examples:
Mmmmmm chocolate cake ! Should I friend this chocolate cake or not? My mouth loves chocolate cake! It's not so good for the rest of my body so when I'm eating it, I have a good time but afterward, I wish I hadn't! I really shouldn't keep any of this in my house, because it doesn't sit innocently in a cake plate. No! It is calling my name incessantly, wanting my attention and friendship. Only problem is, I don't get anything in return but a sweet, empty feeling.
Ahhhhhhh credit cards! Should I friend these little magic plastic cards or not? My buying habit loves them but my checkbook isn't loving them when the bills come! Now, unlike the cake, these might actually be able to get me out of bind or help me pay for something if I friend them wisely or if I control them. Maybe I should have one or two of these because they are less demanding of my attention and add value to my life!
Ohhhhhhh the medicine cabinet! Should I friend my pills or not? If you have any kind of medical condition, you need your meds. They enable you to live a longer, improved life. They may actually give you some life where without them you might die. Antibiotics cure an infection, anti-inflammatories help your body remove inflammation that hurts and pain relievers can be a Godsend when used, not abused.
The question is "to friend or not to friend", the answer is "yes, be a friend to all". The examples I've used are exactly some of the people we encounter everyday. Like chocolate cake, we meet people that may be sweet on the surface but leave us with a bitter taste in our mouth. Like credit cards, we meet people that may help us but they are always calling in their debt and just like meds, we meet people that make us feel good on a daily basis
The next time you meet someone new or maybe someone you already know, you can see them as cake, credit or medicine. You can actually select the people you want to surround yourself with. Everybody needs friends and everybody wants to be friended. Just be careful and make sure you're a good friend. You don't want people to view you as cake or empty satisfaction. You might or might not want them to view you as a plastic credit card, offering them more buying power. You want them to view you like medicine, something they need everyday, critical to their health and in most cases, can't live without!
Monday, July 4, 2011
friend or foe?
Happy 4th of July! Today, being very thankful for an independent and free, United States of America, I started thinking about what it takes to be a friend or friendly. The USA is friendly to most anyone who is friendly to her. I am the same way, I bet you are too! I looked up the definition of friend(ly) and the common two were "not hostile" or "one who is on good terms with another".
Challenge #2: During the next week, contemplate this - Are you on good terms with everyone you know? Are you hostile toward anyone? Is anyone hostile toward you? Now, let me explain how I see this. I can always make sure that I am on good terms with everyone and that I am not hostile toward anyone. Alternately, if anyone is hostile toward me, and I know it, I can truly apologize for anything I have done toward them, talk about it with them and the rest is up to them. I cannot create forgiveness in their heart, only mine. So, challenge #2 is to decide if you are hostile toward anyone and forgive that person even if they have not asked for it! Easy enough, right?
Did you know that hostility or anger is dangerous to your health? At least 20% of the general population has levels of hostility high enough to be dangerous to their health. This fact is excepted from a 1993 report by Redford Williams, M.D. and Virginia Williams, Ph.D. called Anger Kills! That report is almost 20 years ago, can you imagine how that number has risen?
I'm coming clean! I cannot think of one person or group that I am harboring any hostility toward. I will admit that it took me some time to recover from quitting my job and nursing myself back to health, letting go of 10+ years of anger toward a company. Hostility can build about anything! I may not be hostile toward people but there is one thing I absolutely loathe! I have included a pic below:
That's right! I am hostile toward cleaning! I don't like to clean anything, my house, my car, my teeth! Of course, I do these things but I don't like them! And, it's ok that I don't like them or are angry toward them! It doesn't add years to my life but it also doesn't make me unfriendly to anyone (unless they meet me on a cleaning day!). Cleaning physical things is hard and sometimes it's even harder to clean our attitude towards others. Did you know some people even clean their home when they are hostile or angry? I can't use that as therapy, it would make me even madder! Anyways, this week, let's work hard to clean up ourselves, even if we don't like it, free ourselves and become independent of anger and hostility! I bet you will like yourself better and.......you might make a new friend!
Monday, June 27, 2011
are you appealing or a peeling?
Well.....hello! Did you take challenge #1 with me? Meet someone new and remember their name? I did! Last week, I had two new experiences. I met Krista who is the mother of my daughter's new friend Lauren. They own Raspberry Row in downtown Dalton. You might check it out sometime. I also went to a retirement party for an old friend that I had not seen in a while. There were about 50 people there I had never met and about 6 or 8 that I knew! I met a grand total of 3 new people out of that crowd and remember their names, Andrea, Geoff and Earlene! I think I passed the challenge, but, I woke up this morning wondering what makes people appeal to other people? What makes someone interested in talking to me? I can't think of one thing!
At one point during the retirement party, Laura and I, (Laura is my friend I went with) were hugging a wall just watching all the other people talk and have fun. At this point, I started to discuss what makes people appealing and we could not answer the age old question. We moved to a table just outside of the "social" imaginary line and ate hors d'oeuvres. Food is always your friend and always appealing! When dinner began, Laura and I were rescued by four sweet, younger-than-us guys we knew and luckily, we didn't have to occupy a table for two old, boring women.
There was one lady there that worked the room. She seemed very confident, very tall, very pretty, very tan, very low-cut tank top, nice jeans and a "presence". I began wondering if that's what it takes to be appealing? Then, I thought of my husband who would put her in the category of an "Amazon", meaning she is tall and big-boned and was thankful that she would not appeal to everyone. So, at this event, I realized that, once again, it was my own mental block that caused me to shrink like a violet and take a back seat on the bus. I woke up this morning accessing my success for last week asking myself, was i appealing or a peeling? My picture is below:
Yep, a banana peel! What can you do with a banana peel? Nothing! You can at least make jelly out of apple peelings! lol Wait a minute. My mom uses banana peels to fertilize her rose bushes. Now, that makes me feel better. I'm seeing a ray of sunshine. Yes, even a peeling, that you seemingly can't do anything with can be used. So, this day, if I can't be appealing, not just yet, I will be happy as a peeling that is used to fertilize someone else to make them grow. If I can see someone get stronger, grow larger, spread their roots, put on green leaves or bloom, I will be content with my progress, put one in the "win" column for Tammy. After all, isn't that what being a friend is about?
At one point during the retirement party, Laura and I, (Laura is my friend I went with) were hugging a wall just watching all the other people talk and have fun. At this point, I started to discuss what makes people appealing and we could not answer the age old question. We moved to a table just outside of the "social" imaginary line and ate hors d'oeuvres. Food is always your friend and always appealing! When dinner began, Laura and I were rescued by four sweet, younger-than-us guys we knew and luckily, we didn't have to occupy a table for two old, boring women.
There was one lady there that worked the room. She seemed very confident, very tall, very pretty, very tan, very low-cut tank top, nice jeans and a "presence". I began wondering if that's what it takes to be appealing? Then, I thought of my husband who would put her in the category of an "Amazon", meaning she is tall and big-boned and was thankful that she would not appeal to everyone. So, at this event, I realized that, once again, it was my own mental block that caused me to shrink like a violet and take a back seat on the bus. I woke up this morning accessing my success for last week asking myself, was i appealing or a peeling? My picture is below:
Yep, a banana peel! What can you do with a banana peel? Nothing! You can at least make jelly out of apple peelings! lol Wait a minute. My mom uses banana peels to fertilize her rose bushes. Now, that makes me feel better. I'm seeing a ray of sunshine. Yes, even a peeling, that you seemingly can't do anything with can be used. So, this day, if I can't be appealing, not just yet, I will be happy as a peeling that is used to fertilize someone else to make them grow. If I can see someone get stronger, grow larger, spread their roots, put on green leaves or bloom, I will be content with my progress, put one in the "win" column for Tammy. After all, isn't that what being a friend is about?
Monday, June 20, 2011
awkward or awesome?
ok. this is my first blog and it's on a subject that is so important but most of us (including me) have overlooked it until now. if you are like me, my general opinion is "people either like me or they don't" or "they can take me or leave me". are you shaking your head in agreement? if so, this blog is for you and especially for me!
at times, i can be awesome with people but most times, i am awkward. you know the feeling. you meet someone new or you see an old friend and you walk away from them thinking "what in the world did i just say?", "am i nuts?", "why didn't i complement that person?" or "why didn't i give them a hug?". hugs are a whole 'nuther ballgame that i might play another day. we'll get there but i'm starting with awkwardness pre-k right now.
awkward reminds me of the word aardvark. just look at that guy! he's got long ears, a long snout, a humped back, a long tail and really doesn't look like any other animal we see on a regular basis. is that how you feel sometimes? i do, especially when talking to people, even my family! oh, did i also mention, he lives in a hole? in african folklore, the aardvark is much admired because of its diligent quest for food and its fearless response to soldier ants. we need to think of ourselves as the aardvark! we will become admired because of our diligent quest for friends and our fearless response to people! we will become less and less like the guy above and more and more like the guy below.
feast your eyes on arthur the loveable aardvark! he's got lots of friends and rules the playground. you may be wondering how i, the person who talks 90 miles a minutes could ever have a problem meeting people. i usually fake it till i make it and then beat myself up for the next several days. i love people and i want to be that person who can talk in any situation, illuminate a room and even, make people feel good! if you have the same challenges with people that i do, follow my blog and we'll take this journey together. i always feel safer when i have someone to travel with.
we will begin with a different challenge each week. if you are serious about progress, please do this with me and share your results with me by emailing me at tammy.stafford@hotmail.com. ok.
challenge #1:
meet one stranger this week. it doesn't matter where you meet them, just make it someone that you don't even know their name. but be sure you remember their name......they will hopefully move from the category of "acquaintance" to "friend"!
at times, i can be awesome with people but most times, i am awkward. you know the feeling. you meet someone new or you see an old friend and you walk away from them thinking "what in the world did i just say?", "am i nuts?", "why didn't i complement that person?" or "why didn't i give them a hug?". hugs are a whole 'nuther ballgame that i might play another day. we'll get there but i'm starting with awkwardness pre-k right now.
we will begin with a different challenge each week. if you are serious about progress, please do this with me and share your results with me by emailing me at tammy.stafford@hotmail.com. ok.
challenge #1:
meet one stranger this week. it doesn't matter where you meet them, just make it someone that you don't even know their name. but be sure you remember their name......they will hopefully move from the category of "acquaintance" to "friend"!
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