one evening, long ago, before i became the wife i am today, steve, the kids and i were having dinner. we were discussing the topic of the day and i shook my little finger at him and made that popping noise with my mouth as to shame him for what he said. well, he told me that if I didn't keep my mouth shut, he would slide me up under something. i told him, no, he wouldn't and one thing led to another and the next thing i knew, steve had me out of my dinner chair, holding me by one arm and one leg and slide me right under the dining room table! it was one of the funniest moments of our marriage to-date! we laughed for 20 minutes non-stop. so, if you see us and i start running my mouth and he gives me that look, you and i know what his eyes are communicating to me......if you don't hush, i'll slide you under something!
steve has pet names for me. i'm sure your husband has pet names for you too! albeit, i bet your husband doesn't have the material mine does to work with! you know i just came out last year admitting that i am handicapped and only have two toes per foot. well, one of steve's favorite pet names for me is ostrich hooves, referring to my feet of course. he also refers to me lovingly as a gimp and threatens to give me the two-toed indian foot lick! he calls me "tam", short for tammy. he'll say, hobble on over here tam or can you pick up the channel changer "condor wings". he thinks i have extremely long arms too. i think he has some kind of weird foot fetish which suits me just fine. if you are curious about this, pick up a copy of my book, Labeled by Humanity, Loved by God here. there are pictures!
steve has many fine qualities that make him great at loving a disabled woman. he hung me up a handicapped sign in the garage so no one else would get my parking place at home. he insists that i cook dinner every night standing up so my feet and legs don't go numb from sitting. he keeps a constant check on what I eat, he says my feet don't need any extra pounds to carry around. he tells me when i need a haircut because he says i have enough trouble walking, don't need my hair falling down in my eyes blocking my view. steve is so nice to me, i wish i could do something for him. he's a leg man and i wish doctors had a leg job like i need but they don't and it's just my luck, i don't need a boob job! steve's second and third toes on both feet are grown together and i keep telling him that doctors could probably fix that, it looks gross!
i'm joking! i'm joking! nah, not really! steve and i have been married for almost 26 years and we love each other more now than we ever did. we are best friends! if you can't laugh with your spouse and make fun of each other, your marriage probably won't work. you know it's not nice to make fun of other people, you;ve got to keep it in the family!
i'm his b-ride and he's my vgroom, vgroom!